


Say Goodnight, Not Good-bye

by miriad



Category: due South
Genre: Deathfic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-09-01
Updated: 1998-09-01
Packaged: 2017-10-21 16:56:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/227479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miriad/pseuds/miriad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things never turn out the way you expect them to, especially when a certain Mountie is involved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Goodnight, Not Good-bye

**********************  
Say goodnight, not good-bye  
You will never leave my heart behind  
Like the path of a star  
I'll be anywhere you are

In the spark that lies beneath the coals  
In the secret place inside your soul  
Keep my light in your eyes  
Say goodnight, not goodbye  
**********************

"It's not his fault."

"I know...I know that, Benny. It's just that I...I can't...I   
don't know." Ray sighed and lowered his head , resting it on the   
window. His green eyes closed and he sighed again.

"It's not your fault either." Ray spun around to face his   
friend, suddenly enraged.

"How can you say that?! How can you SAY that, huh?!" Ray   
advanced on Fraser, waving his arms, all the emotions that he had been   
working so hard to push down for so long exploding to the surface. "How   
is it not my fault, Fraser? You tell me because I've been trying to   
figure this whole thing out for days now and I have yet to figure out   
has this can be anything BUT my fault." He stood in front of Benny,   
breathing hard through his nose, glaring at his friend.

"Ray...There was nothing you could have done to prevent what   
happened. Absolutely nothing." Fraser raised his hand to keep Ray from   
interrupting. "And to be perfectly honest Ray, if you would have been   
there, you might have ended up dead yourself. And I wouldn't have been   
able to live with that." He continued to look Ray in the eye for a few   
more seconds but let his gaze drop to his booted feet. He began to   
speak again, never raising his eyes. "You're the best friend I have   
ever had. If anything were to happen to you..."

"Oh, Benny..." Ray laughed, although without much mirth.   
"You think that what did happen is any easier to live with? I mean,   
you..." He was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, Ray? It's me, Ra...I mean, Stan. Your, uh, mother   
is askin' for ya. Uh, Franny won't come out of her room and we need to   
get to the airport and, uh, she needs your help, so, uh..."

"Be right there. I'm, uh, on the phone right now. Tell Ma   
I'll be right there." Ray turned to look at his friend. "Look, Benny,   
right now nothing you can say or do will convince me that I couldn't   
have changed things. If I would have stayed in Chicago, if I wouldn't   
have left, this might not have happened."

"Ray, I think you're wrong." Fraser moved away from the wall   
and towards his friend. "If this was meant to be, it would have   
happened sooner or later, no matter what you did or did not do. And I,   
for one, cannot allow you to wallow in guilt and self loathing. You   
can't place blame for this Ray. You just can't. All you can do is   
accept that what happened is over and done with and that you have to   
move on with your life." Ray smiled and turned away, picking up his   
coat from the bed. He picked his travel bag up off the floor and headed   
for the door. He paused before he reached it and turned back   
around.

"Is it cold up there right now? In Canada, I mean." Fraser   
mirrored his smile.

"Do you want the long answer or the short one?"

"Ah, Benny, what I wouldn't give to hear you go on and on   
about Canadian weather systems for hours but..." The smile was gone   
from his face and his eyes shone as tears threatened to spill. He   
looked down at his shoes, then back at his friend. "We have to get to   
the airport so that we don't miss your..." He choked on the word and   
paused before beginning again. "Your funeral. It's funny, ya know.   
Those idiots in charge of the Mounties want nothin' to do with you for   
years and now that you're a hero in the States, all they want is to   
bring you back."

Ray had nothing left to say and he   
couldn't bring himself to say good-bye. That would be too painful, too   
hard. And he didn't think that he was strong enough to do it. So with   
nothing else to add, he reached for the door handle to leave, when Benny   
spoke.

"I'll keep in touch Ray." Fraser paused, not knowing what to do   
or say. What kind of response did you give a ghost anyway? "You   
understand that I will keep in touch.." He continued. Ray almost broke   
down right then and there, but held his composure. Not turning around,   
he filled in the next line.

"As a friend?"

"Yeah Ray. As a friend." And then there was nothing. The   
presence that had been in the room with him for the past hour or so was   
gone, leaving only an empty space behind it. The deep sadness that had   
been fighting to overtake him earlier in the day was   
threatening to return but Ray fought it back. Fraser always kept his   
word. Ray would hear from his friend again. And it was that rock solid   
faith in the Mountie that made him turn around one more time before he   
left the room.

"Goodnight Benny. I'll be seein' ya."

 

********************   
Don't you fear when you dream  
Waking up is never what it seems  
Like a jewel buried deep  
Like a promise meant to keep

You are everything you want to be  
So just let your heart reach out to me  
I'll be right by your side  
Say goodnight not good-bye

You are everything you want to be  
So just let your heart reach out to me  
Keep my light in your eyes  
Say goodnight, not good-bye  
**********************

**Author's Note:**

> ORIGINAL 1998 STORY NOTES (I am so embarrassed, no lie): This is the first thing that I ever posted anywhere.  
> I like it. Doesn't mean you will. Everything's relative. I was in  
> a mood and it just came to me. It's rather sad but there's potential   
> there for positivity and cheesey amounts of hope. Nothing near Susan Proto, however.  
> Again, it's all about the in-joke, my friends. Thank you's are in  
> order. Thanks to Kim for telling me that although she didn't like the  
> premise, that it could be a great story. And for calling me a cow.   
> Thanks to Tamani, Jess, Mom, and everyone who responded to me from the DSL list.  
> You've given me the self-confidence to write more. God help us all.
> 
> NEW STORY NOTES: Lyrics from "Say Goodnight, Not Good-Bye" by Beth Nielsen Chapman


End file.
